Something more, Nothing Less

~A prayer to the God of my life~

Never enough. Something more. Nothing less.
As I pray my heart yearns for more.
As I sleep I long for yet another closeness.
Another glance. Another song.
My voice lifts but longs to be free.
In the depths of the night there is yet more but nothing less.
Partaking in bread but dreaming of life.
As life always brings death, Your death brought life.
As I give thanks to fill, I only empty.
Pouring myself out as an offering, longing to be complete.
How to fill this deep longing, this vast emptiness.
Feeling the weakness of an incomplete woman.
Feeling the weakness of an imperfect individual.
The bareness of my soul seeks.
The quest of the completion of eternity continues.
Never possessing enough.
Craving one more glance of Your countenance.
The capture of Your gaze.
To ravish Your Heart with only one glance.
Locking my eyes to that dark stare.
Yearning to see the extravagance of Your crown of Glory.
Never enough. Something more but nothing less.

nation taker

Slowly I walk looking upon the wall.
Visions of all Your beautifully created countries.
Each one with a voice, speaking out for the lost.
Each one in desperation to be prayed upon.
So many countries. So many souls.
So much darkness cast out upon.
I cry. I cry. I cry.
Where is Your light?
You say "Where there is light there is no darkness."
I feel Your pain. I feel Your heart ache individually for each one.
I feel Your tears. I hear you say...
"Come to me all who are weary, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
By Your Word the heavens were made.
By Your breath man came into existence.
You know all of the children of man.
You fashioned each one of our hearts.
You know our innermost thoughts.
Blessed is called the Nation who's God is You.
I look upon Your lands. I look upon Your people.
I cry. I cry. I cry.
As I look upon Your children. I began to weep.
Where Your light is there should be no darkness.
Slowly I walk and look upon the wall.
Placing my hands upon each Nation, grabbing the burden.
Praying all will come to fear You.
Praying all Your nations hope in Your steadfast love.
Praying to make a difference.

The Power of a Storm

It’s funny how the power of a storm can have such an impact on our lives or on the lives of others whom we come into contact with, especially in the storms of our own disobedience. I was reminded of this as I was reading the book of Jonah this evening. I was yet reminded again of my own walk and journey with the Lord. It seems every time I read this story, I see new aspects of God’s compassionate and merciful character.

Its mind blowing how at certain times in our life we so clearly hear the Lord’s voice and often feel His powerful direction upon us. Even though we feel His power and voice, we still choose to disobey. Jonah ran from the Lord even after hearing Him say ‘Arise and go to Nineveh.’ I don’t know about you, but if I verbally heard the Lord’s voice I think that I would run to Nineveh. Although Nineveh at this time was not just a normal populated city, or as the book says ‘great city’. It was actually a city known for its torturous ways. Through wars and persecutions, it was known to be the city with the most grotesque killings and martyrdoms. Jonah I’m sure definitely didn’t have the same heart or future hopes for this city as the Lord did. Jonah knew that they would turn from their evil ways and he also knew just how big the Lord’s soft spot was for them. “For I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster.” Jonah 4:2b Jonah didn’t want the Lord to relent upon this city, he wanted what he thought was justice. Funny how we think we know what justice is, but in all actuality we are very confused. God isn't though, He knows just what justice is. He knows t his because He is justice and righteousness. Who are we to think that we know what this is? Far too many times, I have had the ‘Jonah’ spirit. Jonah wanted God to pour out judgment upon the city for all the blood that they had shed. It’s funny how God sees through the depths of our hearts and the hearts that have turned from His ways. He is truly a God full of compassion and love.

Salvation even comes through disobedience. Yes, I know this sounds a bit strange or unique to say the least. Even as Jonah was disobedient, the Lord still worked out the salvation of others who came across his path. The mariners cried out to their gods, which obviously were not “Yahweh.” As they came into the depths of the storm, they also came into the knowledge of God’s power upon Jonah’s life. They came to the knowledge of the only true God. As they threw Jonah into the depths of the storm they began to fear the Lord exceedingly and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord. Hmm… completely different from them crying out to their many gods. Seems the scene took a drastic change at this point. They also made vows to Him, which I can’t help but think of a wedding. As making vows would represent ones love, faithfulness, and commitment; they were committing to Jonah’s Lord that they would follow Him all of their days. Although Jonah’s disobedient spirit went against God’s will, God still worked through his disobedience. The same goes for our disobedience, He still manages to work through our own mishaps and actually sends abundant blossoms on the way. The mariners couldn’t deny the power of His God and their obedience exceeded beyond Jonah’s at this point of the story. God’s grace is absolutely amazing.

As I read Jonah’s prayer, so many parts reminded me of my own prayer to God. “When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to You, into Your holy temple. Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love. But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to You; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the Lord!” Jonah 2:7-9
It seems that when our lives come to the darkest hour that we remember the Lord. It’s sad that sometimes it takes this for some of us to come back to Him, but this is just another testimony of how compassionate He truly is. In my own story, I lifted my voice to Him and cried out to Him at this time. He is always faithful and will relent just as He did to the city of Nineveh. This is how much He wants all to be saved and come to the knowledge of Him. It’s sad to see how people deny Him and grab onto the vein idols of the world and they forsake such a love. They loose out on the hope of His wonderful steadfast love. After seeing and experiencing this steadfast love, how can one not sacrifice to the Lord with a voice of thanksgiving and vow their lives to Him? I have vowed my life to Him, I have given Him my life to do what He will with it, knowing fully that He will lead me and guide me. I will forever sacrifice with a voice of thanksgiving. Jonah’s prayer came at a time of literal desperation, a time of drowning literally but also spiritually. The depths of the seas can be seen in people’s lives that have come to a sense of desperation. Even through Jonah’s darkest hour, the Lord brought his life up from the pit. How faithful He is.

God doesn’t only give one chance, but extends second chances and so fourth. There are so many times that we don’t deserve second chances but He is good like that. Jonah was given a second chance. The first call to ‘Arise and go’ was of course disobeyed by him but the second call to ‘Arise and go’ was obeyed. Funny thing was that it only took all but 1 day for Nineveh to turn from their wicked and evil ways. Jonah protested in 40 days the destruction of the city, hmm… why is everything 40 days? I am reminded of Jesus fasting 40 days in the desert before starting His ministry. So 40 days was proclaimed and the Ninevites turned from their ways and believed God. What did they do? The whole city fasted, put on sacks, repented, even the animals fasted (unvoluntaringly of course). So what do you think our God did? Well it’s pretty obvious with His beautiful soft spot, He relented of course. :-) I find it humorous about the animals, but that’s probably why the Lord mentions the cattle to Jonah in the end of the story. Even our father has a heart for animals!

How does this leave Jonah? Of course Jonah can be seen as the stubborn child of God. God shows so much love and patience to Him. In a sense it is a bit overwhelming and amusing in how He deals with His disobedient child. He simply deals with Him by asking one simple question. “Do you do well to be angry?” What kind of question is that? Seriously, how would you react to that question by the Lord? Of course it does no good to be angry. I just had to smirk and laugh at this question. This just shows how patient our Father is when we are still growing into the maturity of a beloved child of the Living God. Oh how I can’t wait to be more like the Lord. To grow into being more gracious, merciful, slow to anger, and definitely more abundant in love. Maybe someday I will have a glimpse of these, until then I will continue to walk in training pants.

Not only did Jonah show anger once but twice. He seemed to be a bit stubborn but the Lord never showed anger with him. God even went to provide shade by growing a plant above him, while all the while Jonah pouted about the relenting among the city. As fast as God graciously provided shade, He quickly took it away. Ha-ha… reminds me of the song “Blessed be Your Name- You give and take away.” Of course He then asks him “Is it good for you to be angry for the plant?” Of course it’s not good, that’s a given. God is showing Jonah and who ever reads this story, that He has a heart for other countries, cities, people, for lost little ones who have no knowledge for what is right or wrong. He wants all to come to the saving knowledge of Him, salvation. He wants all to turn their face and hearts to Him. He doesn’t want to pour out rath but wants to relent to those who turn from their ways and live for Him. He wants to pour out compassion, mercy, grace, and abounding steadfast love.

It’s funny because now I am thinking where is Nineveh anyway? Did you know that Nineveh is actually close to Monsul, by Bagdad? I actuallyhave to examine my own heart, do I have a Jonah spirit? Is there a Nineveh that I am called to go to? Is there a Nineveh that you are called to go to? Where are His wondering Ninevites? Father Lord, Beautiful Jesus, I pray that you help keep me from this Jonah spirit. Help me to be more gracious, merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love. Help me to be more like You.

Left home to come home but someday I will really be Home.

What a change the past few weeks has brought about. It was like I left home to come home. I really do consider Korea my home. The past 2 years my new-home land has changed everything about who I am, maybe I should rephrase that. God has changed everything about who I am and it just happened to be in the beautiful land of Korea. It seems that this is the trend in Korea... maybe God is on to something in the land of the morning calm. If there was a way to completely describe Korea I would have to say that Korea could be "our land" described in Ezekiel 36. Although theologically speaking, maybe not... but for my comparison, it has been.

"I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries and bring you into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statues and be careful to obey my rules. Ezekiel 36:24-27

As I spent the last 2 weeks in the United States, I have had so many mixed feelings. Feelings of homesickness (although I am home) have been the basis of my situation. Strange to be homesick when you are in your own homeland, but I have come to an understanding. The United States is no longer my only homeland. Korea has become my homeland, my spiritual homeland. When arriving in Korea in 2007, I was spiritually dead and thirsty. Korea has changed my heart, my spirit. Should I say that I am forever ruined in a good way? I shall say that I am. Although I am not Korean by ethnicity, and am 'aka' a 'me-gook,' I feel that my spirit has a connection with Korea. It's where I came back to the Lord, it's where the Lord put his Spirit within me. Korea has become my home and I am in a way 'Korean at heart.'

So with that said, I am on to the next season of my life. I'm IHOP'n it at international house of prayer in Kansas for a season, unless God calls me here for longer. I am uncertain of what the future holds for me, what I will do, where I will go, or any timing on whatever may come across my path. One thing is for sure that I am totally relying on our Heavenly Father to lead me and guide me to His purposes. This morning waiting at the airport I was led to this verse:

"For You are my rock and my fortress;
and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me;
You take me out of the net they have hidden for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into Your hand I commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God."
Psalm 31:3-5

It's amazing how I came to Korea with a heart of stone but I left Korea with a heart of flesh. One thing I know for sure, I have the best future-career Planner. Into His hand I commit my spirit and only for His Name's sake will He lead me and guide me. One thing I can't wait for is to be at my Final Home, the final destination, not United States or Korea but Heaven.

ps. I still would like to think that Korea has not seen the last of me. God willing of course. :-)