The Voice Unspoken

As I stepped up to the red line I tried to prepare my heart for what I was about to hear. I placed both feet upon the red tape that read the words ‘LIFE’ in black lettering. It had taken me about 2 months to prepare myself to pray on the ‘Life Line.’ For the ones reading this article that don’t know what the ‘Life Line’ is, it is a line of red tape placed upon the floor of numerous international houses of prayer in the United States. This ‘Life Line’ is a specific place to stand and pray for the unborn, those without a voice. Who are the voiceless? The voiceless are the numerous cases of aborted babies that never have had a chance to speak and defend themselves. I had been observing people standing on these lines in the prayer room at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. I had often wondered what the Lord spoke into their hearts about the issue of abortion. For months I had been watching people’s reactions to God’s heart as they stood and prayed. Some stood in a solemn assembly, some cried, some screamed out for justice, and some just stood listening. So, there I was finally standing upon the ‘Life Line’. All too long I had felt numb on the issue of abortion. I was beginning to wonder why I couldn’t feel God’s heart. This day was different, it was time.

I stood there on the ‘Life Line’ and prayed a simple but profound prayer, ‘Lord, let me feel Your heart, let me feel what You feel, let me see what You see.” At first nothing happened, but I just stood there trying to listen to Him. I then had a vision. I saw all of these glass jars and in each glass jar there was a fetus. The first jar contained the youngest fetus, continuing on with the different stages of development, and the last jar contained the oldest fetus which looked like the time of delivery. Immediately I was brought back to a childhood visit to the ‘Chicago Museum of Science and Industry’. I had blocked this exhibit from my memory for years. This vision was the exact exhibit that I saw almost 15 years earlier. At that moment in the vision, the Lord spoke to me these specific words… “these are the children I loved.” My heart began to break and I just wept. I was finally feeling His pain for these children. I just stood there crying and listening to His heart. He spoke to me again… “Deuteronomy 30:19.” I quickly walked back to my seat and opened my Bible and read “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life that you and your offspring may live.”

A few weeks went by and the reality of God’s emotions concerning abortion was beginning to fade from my heart. One evening my roommate played a short film, called “22 Weeks.” It is based on a true story about a woman who had an abortion. Surprisingly, the most dramatic part in the movie for me was how her friend supported her decision to have the procedure. All of a sudden, as I was watching the film, the Holy Spirit began to convict me about my silence on this issue. I can count about 10 of my close friends from high school that had abortions. I can remember specific encounters before they had the abortions where I could have spoken out against it. I hate to say this, but I never did. I was more concerned with them rejecting me and my voice, than I was with the life they were carrying inside of them. This happened numerous times and I continued to silence my voice. Every single one of them aborted their baby and a few of them more than once. As I watched this film, I was realizing that I had unconfessed sin. Before God would allow me to feel all of His heart, I needed to repent of the blood that was on my hands. I was realizing this was the very thing that had been holding me back. This unconfessed sin was my numbness. I had aided in their abortions because I refused to speak out, I refused to share my voice. I feared man more than the loss of life. That evening the Lord reminded me of each encounter during my teenage years. As I began to confess all the times that I remained silent, I began to feel clean. I was reminded of Isaiah 1:15-18

“When you spread out your hands, I will hide my eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will no listen; your hands are full of blood. Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s case. Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”

By the end of the evening, I was feeling so clean and I was no longer numb. For the first time I was able to mourn for the loss of life that I had never spoke out about. The numbness had subsided and I was and am continuing to feel God’s heart on the issue of abortion. I have been silent for too long. Finally the voice unspoken had spoken.