I wanna be pure
I wanna be holy
Jesus, I wanna be true
I wanna be just like You
I wanna stand before You Lord
to sing another tune
Jesus, I wanna sing to You
I wanna sing only to You
I wanna sing before an audience of One
It's not for me, it's all for You
It's not for my fame, it's all for Your Name
I wanna sing before an audience of One
Removing all that hinders
Removing tunes of popularity
To one day stand before Your throne
Playing sweet, sweet melodies
I wanna stand before You Lord
To sing another tune
Jesus, I wanna sing to You
I wanna sing only to You
I wanna sing before an audience of One
It's not for me, it's all for You
It's not for my fame, it's all for Your Name
I wanna sing before an audience of One
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Herman
Our friend Herm, the groundhog. He comes out about 3-4pm every day to pack up for the winter.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Voice Unspoken
As I stepped up to the red line I tried to prepare my heart for what I was about to hear. I placed both feet upon the red tape that read the words ‘LIFE’ in black lettering. It had taken me about 2 months to prepare myself to pray on the ‘Life Line.’ For the ones reading this article that don’t know what the ‘Life Line’ is, it is a line of red tape placed upon the floor of numerous international houses of prayer in the United States. This ‘Life Line’ is a specific place to stand and pray for the unborn, those without a voice. Who are the voiceless? The voiceless are the numerous cases of aborted babies that never have had a chance to speak and defend themselves. I had been observing people standing on these lines in the prayer room at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. I had often wondered what the Lord spoke into their hearts about the issue of abortion. For months I had been watching people’s reactions to God’s heart as they stood and prayed. Some stood in a solemn assembly, some cried, some screamed out for justice, and some just stood listening. So, there I was finally standing upon the ‘Life Line’. All too long I had felt numb on the issue of abortion. I was beginning to wonder why I couldn’t feel God’s heart. This day was different, it was time.
I stood there on the ‘Life Line’ and prayed a simple but profound prayer, ‘Lord, let me feel Your heart, let me feel what You feel, let me see what You see.” At first nothing happened, but I just stood there trying to listen to Him. I then had a vision. I saw all of these glass jars and in each glass jar there was a fetus. The first jar contained the youngest fetus, continuing on with the different stages of development, and the last jar contained the oldest fetus which looked like the time of delivery. Immediately I was brought back to a childhood visit to the ‘Chicago Museum of Science and Industry’. I had blocked this exhibit from my memory for years. This vision was the exact exhibit that I saw almost 15 years earlier. At that moment in the vision, the Lord spoke to me these specific words… “these are the children I loved.” My heart began to break and I just wept. I was finally feeling His pain for these children. I just stood there crying and listening to His heart. He spoke to me again… “Deuteronomy 30:19.” I quickly walked back to my seat and opened my Bible and read “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life that you and your offspring may live.”
A few weeks went by and the reality of God’s emotions concerning abortion was beginning to fade from my heart. One evening my roommate played a short film, called “22 Weeks.” It is based on a true story about a woman who had an abortion. Surprisingly, the most dramatic part in the movie for me was how her friend supported her decision to have the procedure. All of a sudden, as I was watching the film, the Holy Spirit began to convict me about my silence on this issue. I can count about 10 of my close friends from high school that had abortions. I can remember specific encounters before they had the abortions where I could have spoken out against it. I hate to say this, but I never did. I was more concerned with them rejecting me and my voice, than I was with the life they were carrying inside of them. This happened numerous times and I continued to silence my voice. Every single one of them aborted their baby and a few of them more than once. As I watched this film, I was realizing that I had unconfessed sin. Before God would allow me to feel all of His heart, I needed to repent of the blood that was on my hands. I was realizing this was the very thing that had been holding me back. This unconfessed sin was my numbness. I had aided in their abortions because I refused to speak out, I refused to share my voice. I feared man more than the loss of life. That evening the Lord reminded me of each encounter during my teenage years. As I began to confess all the times that I remained silent, I began to feel clean. I was reminded of Isaiah 1:15-18
“When you spread out your hands, I will hide my eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will no listen; your hands are full of blood. Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s case. Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”
By the end of the evening, I was feeling so clean and I was no longer numb. For the first time I was able to mourn for the loss of life that I had never spoke out about. The numbness had subsided and I was and am continuing to feel God’s heart on the issue of abortion. I have been silent for too long. Finally the voice unspoken had spoken.
I stood there on the ‘Life Line’ and prayed a simple but profound prayer, ‘Lord, let me feel Your heart, let me feel what You feel, let me see what You see.” At first nothing happened, but I just stood there trying to listen to Him. I then had a vision. I saw all of these glass jars and in each glass jar there was a fetus. The first jar contained the youngest fetus, continuing on with the different stages of development, and the last jar contained the oldest fetus which looked like the time of delivery. Immediately I was brought back to a childhood visit to the ‘Chicago Museum of Science and Industry’. I had blocked this exhibit from my memory for years. This vision was the exact exhibit that I saw almost 15 years earlier. At that moment in the vision, the Lord spoke to me these specific words… “these are the children I loved.” My heart began to break and I just wept. I was finally feeling His pain for these children. I just stood there crying and listening to His heart. He spoke to me again… “Deuteronomy 30:19.” I quickly walked back to my seat and opened my Bible and read “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life that you and your offspring may live.”
A few weeks went by and the reality of God’s emotions concerning abortion was beginning to fade from my heart. One evening my roommate played a short film, called “22 Weeks.” It is based on a true story about a woman who had an abortion. Surprisingly, the most dramatic part in the movie for me was how her friend supported her decision to have the procedure. All of a sudden, as I was watching the film, the Holy Spirit began to convict me about my silence on this issue. I can count about 10 of my close friends from high school that had abortions. I can remember specific encounters before they had the abortions where I could have spoken out against it. I hate to say this, but I never did. I was more concerned with them rejecting me and my voice, than I was with the life they were carrying inside of them. This happened numerous times and I continued to silence my voice. Every single one of them aborted their baby and a few of them more than once. As I watched this film, I was realizing that I had unconfessed sin. Before God would allow me to feel all of His heart, I needed to repent of the blood that was on my hands. I was realizing this was the very thing that had been holding me back. This unconfessed sin was my numbness. I had aided in their abortions because I refused to speak out, I refused to share my voice. I feared man more than the loss of life. That evening the Lord reminded me of each encounter during my teenage years. As I began to confess all the times that I remained silent, I began to feel clean. I was reminded of Isaiah 1:15-18
“When you spread out your hands, I will hide my eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will no listen; your hands are full of blood. Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s case. Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”
By the end of the evening, I was feeling so clean and I was no longer numb. For the first time I was able to mourn for the loss of life that I had never spoke out about. The numbness had subsided and I was and am continuing to feel God’s heart on the issue of abortion. I have been silent for too long. Finally the voice unspoken had spoken.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Poplar Street
The 'Fire in the Night' internship is now over with and what an experience it was. The Lord spoke to me in such an awesome and intimate way during the past months. I can't ever imagine spending another day doing anything different... so I'm definitely praying about ways of financial support. I went back home to Indiana for a few days to unpack all of my pre-korea storage. It's funny how spending a few years in Asia can change your style of decorating, that's for sure. I left a lot of my decorations to gather more spiders and dust, now it looks like I'll be spending some time this week working on some paintings.
I have had so many mixed emotions and feelings the past week. It seems like I'm in another season of transition. Is it possible to miss a home so much, but you don't know where that home is? Guess this home must be Heaven because the only sure home that I know of is Heaven. I came home to the states but I miss Korea so much, although it isn't my homeland. I went home to Indiana last week and it felt like it was no longer my home either. I assume that neither are my home because its not where God wants me to be at during this time. My home is where He is calling me to be. At this time, I am called to be in Kansas City and I know this from the bottom of my heart. So it now looks as if KC is my new residency. As I was driving to Kansas City, I was thinking "I'm driving to my new home... for now that is." It's funny because on the way to Kansas City, I was imagining my 'new home' destination in my mind (KC). I should have been imagining Heaven coming down. I began missing Seoul as I was driving. To derail my mind from this track, I turned up my praise music and just began to scream praises. For 8 hours I screamed praises, cried tears of joy and thankfulness, and lifted my hand to Jesus. Don't worry, I left my left hand on the wheel. It's weird but my hand didn't even get tired and I left it up for the entire duration of the trip. In a very minute way, I felt like Moses in the battle against the Amalakites. He continued to raise his hands and flag on the mountain. As his arms grew weak and tired, Aaron and Hur held up his arms. I can just imagine I had an angel holding up my arm. :-) But it never did get tired. I felt so free on the ride back to Kansas City and my homesickness began to subside. I think my praise was defeating my own weakness. The Lord Is My Banner. Jehovah Nissi
As I pulled off the interstate, I began speaking to the Lord. I was telling Him to make Kansas City now feel like my home. Although I had already been staying in KC for the past few months, I was living at International House of Prayer, while interning. I believe that it never quite hit my soul that this was my new home yet. So I began to pray for the Lord to place a sense of 'home' in my heart for Kansas City. As I pulled off the interstate, into the Grandview Area, I looked up and saw a street sign. This street sign said 'Poplar st.' I think my jaw fell off my face!!! Poplar st. was the name of the street that I grew up on in Indiana! I couldn't believe my eyes, although I really did believe it! I mean who knew that the very first street sign I would see in my community would be the very same one that I grew up on as a child? I just began to praise Him all the more for being so faithful.
He is so faithful, so good, so true.
He knows exactly where He wants me.
He knows the exact destination of location.
He knows exactly what He wants to do.
He is m shepherd in every season of change.
He is my comforter and my strength.
He is 'Jehova Nissi' and I'm so in love with Him.
ps. Oh and I think I forgot to mention that my new address is actually on 'Indiana Ave.'
Who knew?!?!
I have had so many mixed emotions and feelings the past week. It seems like I'm in another season of transition. Is it possible to miss a home so much, but you don't know where that home is? Guess this home must be Heaven because the only sure home that I know of is Heaven. I came home to the states but I miss Korea so much, although it isn't my homeland. I went home to Indiana last week and it felt like it was no longer my home either. I assume that neither are my home because its not where God wants me to be at during this time. My home is where He is calling me to be. At this time, I am called to be in Kansas City and I know this from the bottom of my heart. So it now looks as if KC is my new residency. As I was driving to Kansas City, I was thinking "I'm driving to my new home... for now that is." It's funny because on the way to Kansas City, I was imagining my 'new home' destination in my mind (KC). I should have been imagining Heaven coming down. I began missing Seoul as I was driving. To derail my mind from this track, I turned up my praise music and just began to scream praises. For 8 hours I screamed praises, cried tears of joy and thankfulness, and lifted my hand to Jesus. Don't worry, I left my left hand on the wheel. It's weird but my hand didn't even get tired and I left it up for the entire duration of the trip. In a very minute way, I felt like Moses in the battle against the Amalakites. He continued to raise his hands and flag on the mountain. As his arms grew weak and tired, Aaron and Hur held up his arms. I can just imagine I had an angel holding up my arm. :-) But it never did get tired. I felt so free on the ride back to Kansas City and my homesickness began to subside. I think my praise was defeating my own weakness. The Lord Is My Banner. Jehovah Nissi
As I pulled off the interstate, I began speaking to the Lord. I was telling Him to make Kansas City now feel like my home. Although I had already been staying in KC for the past few months, I was living at International House of Prayer, while interning. I believe that it never quite hit my soul that this was my new home yet. So I began to pray for the Lord to place a sense of 'home' in my heart for Kansas City. As I pulled off the interstate, into the Grandview Area, I looked up and saw a street sign. This street sign said 'Poplar st.' I think my jaw fell off my face!!! Poplar st. was the name of the street that I grew up on in Indiana! I couldn't believe my eyes, although I really did believe it! I mean who knew that the very first street sign I would see in my community would be the very same one that I grew up on as a child? I just began to praise Him all the more for being so faithful.
He is so faithful, so good, so true.
He knows exactly where He wants me.
He knows the exact destination of location.
He knows exactly what He wants to do.
He is m shepherd in every season of change.
He is my comforter and my strength.
He is 'Jehova Nissi' and I'm so in love with Him.
ps. Oh and I think I forgot to mention that my new address is actually on 'Indiana Ave.'
Who knew?!?!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Hold on to me
Hold on to me, Never let me go
Close my eyes to the world around
keep my eyes on You
What in this life can compare
to knowing You
to feeling You
to loving You
What can compare
Keep me from worthless things
Keep me from idols of the world
Keep me from the idolatry of society
What in this life can compare
to loving You
to loving You
to loving You
Jesus what can compare to Your love so freely shared
So proned to stray, So proned to walk away
Hold on to me, Never let go
So easily distracted by meaningless things
Meaningless things that take home in my heart
Hold on to me, Never let go
I need You now today more than ever
I need You today more than I ever have before
Hold on to me, Please don't let me leave
Close my heart to the world all around
Open my heart to be captivated by You
Jesus, hold on to me, never let go
Jesus I love You, I love You, I love You
I need You more today than any other day
Close my eyes to the world around
keep my eyes on You
What in this life can compare
to knowing You
to feeling You
to loving You
What can compare
Keep me from worthless things
Keep me from idols of the world
Keep me from the idolatry of society
What in this life can compare
to loving You
to loving You
to loving You
Jesus what can compare to Your love so freely shared
So proned to stray, So proned to walk away
Hold on to me, Never let go
So easily distracted by meaningless things
Meaningless things that take home in my heart
Hold on to me, Never let go
I need You now today more than ever
I need You today more than I ever have before
Hold on to me, Please don't let me leave
Close my heart to the world all around
Open my heart to be captivated by You
Jesus, hold on to me, never let go
Jesus I love You, I love You, I love You
I need You more today than any other day
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