Season of Consecration

I have been praying about where the Lord is now leading me. It's as if He is stirring in my heart and telling me "My daughter there is more, there is more, there is more." I just have to say to my readers, that I love Korea. Coming to Korea was the best thing that I have ever done. Coming here opened my eyes to God's heart and how much He truly loves me- an unfathomable endless love. Even when speaking the word 'Korea" it strikes a key in my heart. The other night, I was talking with a friend on the subway and he said "Korea is a special place." Yes, Korea is a very special place. The Lord really brings His children to Korea to awaken their hearts to His love. Korea has become my home, even at times I feel more comfortable here than I do back in the States. It seems the more and more I am here; the less comfortable I am in western civilization. Being in Seoul-Korea has opened my heart to love Him in a new way, opened my heart to His heart for the lost around the whole world, and has brought me to a sense of endless worship, prayer, and song. So when thinking of Korea, I can honestly say this is where I first whole-heartedly experienced the Lord. Korea has become my home, although of course my first home is with the Lord-Jesus Christ (believing you all knew that). But there's always that but right? But I feel it's not enough, I feel a longing for more. The Lord has placed a passion of worship, music, prayer, and an endless searching for Him upon my heart. It's all I think about, it's all I dream about.

This week the Lord has really spoken to my heart through the story of 'The Tabernacle of David.' I read about Solomon being young and inexperienced and how the house that he is to build is to be of huge magnificence and splendor. The Lord tells David "He will be my son and I will be his Father." This is pertaining to Solomon being the son and the Lord being the Father. In a slight-way I feel like Solomon, young and very inexperienced. Although Solomon's calling is to the structural building of the Tabernacle of David (Temple of the Lord) and mine is more so in worshiping, praying, interceding, witnessing, and teaching. I can't help but feel a sense of mysterious connection to the Tabernacle of David, through Solomon. I feel young and inexperienced in worship, prayer, music, and evangelism; but I know this is one of my callings. I believe that just as Solomon was equipped through the preparations of David and the power and Spirit of the Father, that I will be equipped too. I take this story in heart to be a promise that the Lord will equip me in my young and inexperienced abilities, just as He did for King Solomon. The verse that captivates my heart is "He will be my son and I will be his Father." As growing up with no father figure in my life, it has always been hard to grasp the love of a father, as well as the love of Christ. The past almost 2 years the love of a Father has been awoken in my heart here in Seoul-Korea. To say the Lord has rained down His love is an understatement. It has become so powerful, but beyond the love of an earthly father, the love of Christ can't even compare to an earthly sense. I have had so much healing here in Korea when speaking about the love of a father. The Lord's love has covered over all the holes in my heart and emptiness, as I now see that I have a Beautiful Wonderful Father. How beautiful the love of the Heavenly Father is. My sweet Father, thank-you for you your son-ship, thank you for your Father-hood, that I can be called the daughter of the Holy One Most High.

I have begun to look further into pursuing other schools/ internships that could better equip and train me in these areas. I'm still in the process of praying on a possible school or program. I wish there were a school in Korea that I felt lead to, but I'm afraid there isn't one that has a music/worship program. Lately I have had nervousness upon me when thinking about leaving Korea. I have grown so much here and I was a little nervous to leave my church, my college, my friends, my teaching job, and my spiritual-family. But as I was reading through 1 Chronicles and meditating on it this week, I really felt the Lord whispering to me "I will never leave you, come after me for there is more." Then I came upon these scriptures:

"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." 1 Chronicles 16:11"Whatever you have in mind, do it, for God is with you." 1 Chronicles 17:2"

I will be his father, and he will be my son. I will never take my love away from him, as I took it away from your predecessor. I will set him over my house and my kingdom forever; his throne will be established forever." 1 Chronicles 17:13-14

"Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished." 1 Chronicles 28:20

I believe these scriptures are telling me to do whatever the Lord has placed in my mind and heart to do. They are telling me to look to the Lord and embrace His strength, focus on seeking His face in everything I do. It is a promise that He is my father and that He will always love me and will never take His love away. God is telling me He will give me strength, knowledge, wisdom, and skill to do any work that He has placed in my heart. That I can't gain knowledge, wisdom, or training for myself or for anyone else, but that it's only for Him and through His Spirit that this can be made possible.

"My son Solomon, the one whom God has chosen is young and inexperienced. The task is great because this palatial structure is not for man but for the Lord God." 1 Chronicles 29:1

I believe this verse is not to be taken lightly. I will take this literally as well, for when we feel the Lord calling us for worship, service, etc. sometimes we have this little green-eyed monster creep in called pride. Aaahhhh yes, pride. We all have dealt with pride, I'm sure numerous times, at least I know I have. When the Lord calls us to go somewhere, do something, to serve or be part of praise, He wants us to do it whole-heartedly for Him and through Him. So many times people do things for the wrong reasons, for the approval of man and the world. It's when the Lord calls the weak or the inexperienced that they truly have to rely on Christ for knowledge, wisdom, equipping, and the power of the Holy Spirit. It's not what you can do for the Lord, but what the Holy Spirit can do through you for Him.

" And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. 10Consider now , for the Lord has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work." 1 Chronicles 28: 9-10

Then I began to think about only worshiping, praying, seeking God's face. To set aside a season of my life to grow closer to the Lord in prayer, song, meditation, and really digging into His written Voice. How awesome would it be to drop everything for a season and pursue after God's Heart? I was thinking this late this evening as I was meditating and praying on 1 Chronicles. Then I came to the Lord's Voice in scripture:

"Now who is willing to consecrate himself today to the Lord?" 1 Chronicles 29: 5

I think I might have 'yelped' when I read this. How God is so good! I want to say I Love Him, but it's more than love. I'm Lovesick for Him. He never get's old and it seems time after time, He speaks His heart to me. I can't get enough, I long to know Him more. The craziest part about it, is that He loves me more. We think our love is strong for Him, but it's nothing compared to the Love He has for us. My heart melts when I think how much He loves me, how much He thinks I'm absolutely beautiful.

More than a Servant

Sometimes I feel as if we pursue God in our positions that He so allows us to have. Is this contradictory? Yes- of course it is. We get so caught up in what our next quest, journey, or location will be. I myself am so guilty of this, so I am speaking for myself. It might come to pass that we are so caught up in what is to come that what already is passes us by. We get so focused on our servant-hood and making sure that every step in our walk leads to what the Lord's path or will is for our future. Not to say this is necessarily bad, but it causes us to focus on what already isn't yet and not what already is or has been laid before us. The Lord promises salvation for the captives, He promises healing for the broken-hearted, He promises blessings for the poor-in spirit, He promises to make our paths straight and to lead us with triumph and victory. Who are we to even think about the future, to even plan upon the future? Why do I focus so much on what is to come? Our Father is so faithful and loving at keeping His precious promises from His Word. Who am I to put limitations on the future? As we plan for the future, we put limitations on the Lord's power, limitations on His purpose for His Glory. He has promised to make us a restorer, to bring back the lost and set the captives free, to be a light to the Gentiles, and He has said that we will bring salvation to the ends of the earth. So why are we in a hurry for what is to come? Why don't we just stand and gaze into the time and place of now? Why don't we be that 'sharpened sword' or 'polished arrow' that He has made us to be? We are meant to be this person at this time and this place, not just for ourselves but for others around us. I am meant to be this person in Isaiah 49 not just for myself, but for you and for who ever the Lord places in my presence. This is who I am now, not who I will be- for that is already promised by GOD.Isaiah "It is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth." Isaiah 49:6

Isaiah 49
The Servant of the LORD 1 Listen to me, you islands;
hear this, you distant nations:
Before I was born the LORD called me;
from my birth he has made mention of my name.
2 He made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hand he hid me;
he made me into a polished arrow
and concealed me in his quiver.
3 He said to me, "You are my servant,
Israel, in whom I will display my splendor."
4 But I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.
Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand,
and my reward is with my God."
5 And now the LORD says—
he who formed me in the womb to be his servant
to bring Jacob back to him
and gather Israel to himself,
for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD
and my God has been my strength-
6 he says: "It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of Jacob
and bring back those of Israel I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the Gentiles,
that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."
7 This is what the LORD says—
the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel—
to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation,
to the servant of rulers:
"Kings will see you and rise up,
princes will see and bow down,
because of the LORD, who is faithful,
the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you."

Restoration of Israel
8 This is what the LORD says:
"In the time of my favor I will answer you,
and in the day of salvation I will help you;
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people,
to restore the land
and to reassign its desolate inheritances,
9 to say to the captives, 'Come out,'
and to those in darkness, 'Be free!'
"They will feed beside the roads
and find pasture on every barren hill.
10 They will neither hunger nor thirst,
nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them.
He who has compassion on them will guide them
and lead them beside springs of water.
11 I will turn all my mountains into roads,
and my highways will be raised up.
12 See, they will come from afar—
some from the north, some from the west,
some from the region of Aswan. [a] "
13 Shout for joy, O heavens;
rejoice, O earth;
burst into song, O mountains!
For the LORD comforts his people
and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
14 But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me."
15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.
17 Your sons hasten back,
and those who laid you waste depart from you.
18 Lift up your eyes and look around;
all your sons gather and come to you.
As surely as I live," declares the LORD,
"you will wear them all as ornaments;
you will put them on, like a bride.
19 "Though you were ruined and made desolate
and your land laid waste,
now you will be too small for your people,
and those who devoured you will be far away.
20 The children born during your bereavement
will yet say in your hearing,
'This place is too small for us;
give us more space to live in.'
21 Then you will say in your heart,
'Who bore me these?
I was bereaved and barren;
I was exiled and rejected.
Who brought these up?
I was left all alone,
but these—where have they come from?' "
22 This is what the Sovereign LORD says:
"See, I will beckon to the Gentiles,
I will lift up my banner to the peoples;
they will bring your sons in their arms
and carry your daughters on their shoulders.
23 Kings will be your foster fathers,
and their queens your nursing mothers.
They will bow down before you with their faces to the ground;
they will lick the dust at your feet.
Then you will know that I am the LORD;
those who hope in me will not be disappointed."
24 Can plunder be taken from warriors,
or captives rescued from the fierce [b] ?
25 But this is what the LORD says:
"Yes, captives will be taken from warriors,
and plunder retrieved from the fierce;
I will contend with those who contend with you,
and your children I will save.
26 I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh;
they will be drunk on their own blood, as with wine.
Then all mankind will know
that I, the LORD, am your Savior,
your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob."

Awaken

As I stood at the top of the Mountain, I could feel the gentle breeze across the water, but in a sense of stillness and climate-less temperature. I can vastly imagine standing there and reaching for the ends of the earth, from east with my left and west with my right, feeling the breeze flow through my fingertips. I can portray in the physical realm, reaching out to the heavenly vault to embrace each region as my mind swallowed every detail. I gazed upon what appeared to be a mirror reflection of the mountain tops surrounding this vast, so-surreal body of water. I stood staring down into the stillness and calmness of water that reflected all three land masses, with the blue sky reflecting as if the atmosphere was the water in-itself. The dusk sky was setting in the horizon and the peaks of the mountaintops were touched with snow as if the Mighty Painter had brushed along them lightly with perfection. The brim of the 3 regions was ever so green as a picture of a "Psalms" pasture. Alone I stood staring into this perfect setting but feeling the presence of the Great Artist arching over the scene. Looking to every direction and feeling a familiararity of location, but an unsettling sense of displacement of country. I felt the Artist set this scene in my heart with a conception of meaning and credibility. As I opened my eyes, my heart knew the displacement was real and actual.

As this dream goes over and over in my mind, I anticipate the day that the painting awakens to life from the Creator's hand. The Painter has permanently set this piece of art in my heart to be envisioned as an incitement or arrousement of what is to come. Bring it on Lord I say, stir this art piece into action.

I wanna sit at your feet

The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You

I wanna sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe
And feel Your heartbeat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
It's overwhelming
by Karie Jobe




How I want to sit at your feet and drink from Your cup of life. To lie against You Jesus and feel Your heartbeat~ to feel Your love burning for me. It's more than my mind can take. My heart is on fire for Your presence, for Your love, Oh how You complete me Lord. How this love is so deep that it’s more than I can stand. My heart melts in Your peace. Jesus your love is overwhelming, it blows my mind. How I continually seek for more of You, I can never have enough. You simply can not be contained. The more I seek You, the more I find You. The more of You I find, the more of You I love. Your love is so deep, more than I can stand. Your love blows my mind.

Makin Wishes

Here are a few pictures from Sol lee's Birthday last week. We actually ate the whole cake! Who could say no to strawberry Icecream cake?! Not us, our favorite (okay besides, strawberry cheesecake)! Some how I ended up with ice-cream on my nose and in my hair. :-D As you can see Sol lee and Sun jin love to model hats. It was a good night and we didn't even get into music lessons.

The Art of Resolution

It's now February and I have just decided my 2009 New Year's resolution. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't planning on having one this year, since you all know that I am completely perfect, have no issues, and wear a halo. Okay maybe I wear my halo loosely. No really, as I was thinking about why people make New Year's resolutions, the thought crossed my mind "what is the history behind New Year's resolutions?" Did you know that there are religious parallels to the tradition of making New Year's resolutions? In the Judaism's New Year (Rosh Hashanah) until the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur), it is said to be a time of reflection and forgiveness. So what does this pertain to? It is to be a period of reflecting upon all of one's wrongdoings over the entire year, a time in seeking as well as offering forgiveness to others for their wrongdoings. Although I am obviously not Jewish (but would all-to-much love the heritage), I can see the resemblance in the concept or tradition, although definitely a difference in creed.

Here are some interesting statistics from a resolution study from the 2008 year.

*52% were confident of success with their goals

*12% actually achieved their goals

*Men are said to achieve their goal 22% more when they engaged in goal setting, when small

measurable goals were used.

*Women succeeded 10% more when they publicized their goals, when being supported by a

friend.

I thought this was interesting when considering men and women and their success rates. I can only conclude that men like to see short-term goals accomplished, which will lead to more long-term goals. In a way this makes sense, take one step at a time and not dive into a pool of change. With women I can only think that we are held more accountable when making our goals publicized because we don't want to have to step back onto what we have already publicly made known. At the same time I believe that women know all too well how our girlfriends can hold us accountable.

Here are the 10 most common New Years Resolutions:

1. Loose Weight

2. Stick to a Budget

3. Debt Reduction

4. Enjoy More Quality Time With Friends and Family

5. Find My Soul Mate

6. Quit Smoking

7. Find a Better Job

8. Learn Something New

9. Volunteer and Help Others

10. Get Organized

So why is it that there is only a 12% of actual New Year's goal success? Could it be the New Year's goals in themselves? Maybe they're too broad or maybe there are just too many to stay focused on complete success. Its not that these specific goals are bad resolutions, in fact they seem pretty decent in helping sustain your physical, mental, personal, and financial lifestyles. I don’t know about you, but number five hits home for me. I don’t believe that I would make this my resolution though; I believe a higher-force other than myself has to achieve this one. Here's a thought, maybe you could add up all of these New Year's resolutions into one name? I guarantee the success rate would sky-rocket with this name, JESUS! So, as the New Years is supposed to celebrate a time of passage for most people, how about we not focus too much on the all too basic ten step rules of self-improvement? I believe that there is only one tool out there in existence that can be used for remaking ourselves. His name is Jesus.

The Spirit of Music

One of the big questions that Christians often face is “How should I view secular music? Should I listen to it? Is all secular music bad? If not all secular music is bad, then how do I draw a line between what is okay and what is not okay?” These questions have been argued back and fourth amongst Christians in the past and continue to be debated even more so today. For me personally, I have found myself asking these same questions. The past year I have been looking at what the Bible says about music, the background of the music and the musician, how it makes me feel, and what

the Holy Spirit has been teaching me.

The Bible is clear in stating that we should sing unto the Lord. Music is mentioned numerous times in the bible, to be exact over 830 times. Music can be seen from the beginning of the creation of the world, the time of the Temple, the synagogue, the early church, and making its way to our modern day churches. The Word of God tells us to sing unto the Lord. “Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day” 1 Chronicles 16:2. It is clear that music is one of the most important things in worship. The music talked about in the bible is not a self-seeking pleasure but is an exaltation to lift glory up to the Lord. We are called to praise the Lord in song. “Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing praise to his name, for that is pleasant.” Psalm 135:3 “How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him” Psalm 147:1. Singing in the Bible is seen as giving thanksgiving to the Lord for all the blessings He poured out amongst His people, the blessings of life, sanctification, and salvation. The bible tells us that singing to the Lord is a good and pleasing thing to do and it helps us express our love and emotions to God. I believe that the music the Bible discusses is to be a language of thanksgiving and praise to God from his children. As I read about the music of the Bible, I questioned how secular music fell into this category.

I have often believed that there are three different types of music. One being music that is glorifying God, the second being music that is neither glorifying nor diminishing God, and the third being music that is dishonoring God. I still believe in these three but with the secular view changing. Is there really music that is neither glorifying nor diminishing God? This music I would have to say would be music that is used for the glory of man and the world. I’m not saying this has been an easy decision for me to make, in all actuality it has been extremely difficult. It has meant that I have had to give up a lot of music that I really enjoyed. This change began when I really started hearing not just from my ears but my heart, the lyrics that I was singing. I felt like the Lord was embedding songs of praise upon my heart as I sung certain songs of worship to him. It was as if he took the songs I began to sing to him at church and in-grafted them in my mind, even in my dreams. Over the course of about a year and a half, I began listening to more and more praise music and less and less secular music. I was able to sift through my music that I felt was dishonoring God, which was a pretty easy process. When I listened to the music, it was as if the Holy Spirit sent up a red flag in my soul. Anytime I felt a sense of uneasiness about a song, I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. That’s how I discerned what music to keep or what music to let go. I have to admit that there was music that didn’t necessarily seam bad or good, these I decided to keep.

I also believe that it’s important to research musician’s testimonies, motives behind their music, and what influences their music. I began looking at the lives of some musician’s whose music I enjoyed. Did their lives honor the Lord? What were their beliefs and values? What were their reasons for creating music? What influenced the meanings and lyrics behind their songs? The majority of musicians whose music I owned didn’t add up to what I had anticipated. I wanted to listen to musicians in whom I respected, looked up to, and were encouraged by the motives and influences behind their music. It seemed that after looking into just a glimpse of some of the musician’s lives, I didn’t even have to question getting rid of the music because I no longer wanted to even listen to it. Everyone I believe wants to be encouraged, inspired, and motivated by music. I believe that after researching the background and musicians’ testimonies equipped me with more discernment on whether I should trust the music to be put into my mind and heart.

Through my research, I began reading Christian musicians’ testimonies on secular music from IHOP. I read one specific testimony that struck my heart. In his testimony he said that there is a certain spirit behind all music. He discusses how just because some music doesn’t have a spirit of God or a spirit of the devil, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a spirit. It was when I read this testimony that I began to see that music is not just music, in a sense it has its own spirit, its own mood, its own tone. It was then that I decided that the only spirit that I wanted to glorify or lift up was the Spirit of the Lord. I didn’t want to lift up any music, although not necessarily dishonoring God, of another spirit. I felt like I was honoring man and man’s desires by doing this. It was at this time that I cleaned house, and it was still a very hard process of letting go.

Since letting go of secular music, I feel more drawn to the Lord in worship. The Lord has blessed me with more of a heart of worship and appreciation for music. At times the Lord has even awoken me with songs in my sleep and songs in my prayers. Never before have I read the Word and seen parts of songs jump into view, until recently that is. I can’t explain the wholeness that I feel when I hear or sing a new song which draws me into His presence, with all glory and honor going to Him. Nothing compares to the Spirit of this music, His music.

a gentle kiss from afar

As I gazed into the sky at the sun, I began to think about the trip that I someday would make to the Kingdom of Heaven. How beautiful it will be to stand in the Father's presence as He will someday welcome me Home. I wonder how the trip to Heaven will be? Will there be a line of children waiting to arrive in the Father's arms, while being greeted with a pleasurable smile and an intimate embrace? As the ski-lift gradually brought me to the top of the mountain, I couldn't help but wonder this. The sun shinned so brightly through the trees, the clear blue skies screamed warmth which was deceiving in the midst of the noon-ness on this very cool January day, the wind breezed gently along my cheek bones as my hair blew in the wind, the sun seemed to warm my eye-lids as I closed them imagining the encounter that I would someday experience. As I tried to imagine an image of my Lord, I envisioned a shadow that had a vast deepness of love swirling amongst my being of soul. The warmness to His tone was an exact representation of His voice that I had once heard calling my name in comfort asking for my trust in Him. As I felt the warmness of the sun breathing down upon my profile, I imagined the gentle softness, but all together boldness of His voice speaking to me as I made my way to the gate of His Kingdom. Somewhere in my unpretentious thought, I had sub-consciously imagined only one reservation, which now looking back doesn't seem all the accommodating. As the ski-lift continued to make its way up the mountain, I began to envision the line of people waiting in a very formal but eager manner, waiting in such a manner of awe but in excitement and longing anticipation. There were many accommodations waiting in our Father's house, once we reach heaven from the journey that we have lived out on Earth. As I drew closer and closer to the Groom, my heart longed more for His touch. At this moment I was a bride waiting to enter His chambers, His chamber full of hyssop and flowing myrrh. As I longed to reach the warmth of the Kingdom, and enter into the King's chamber, the lift brought me to the peak of the mountain. I gently and slowly opened my eye-lids and the warmness flashed away like a gust of wind blowing out a flaming candle wick. With a slight sense of disappointment, I slid down off the ski-lift seat and plumped myself down upon the snow mound in preparation for take-off. As I turned my praise music up and began to make my S's down the slope, I thought ahead to the Day that I would enter into His chambers.

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-
for you love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the maidens love you!
Take me away with you-let us hurry!
Let the King bring me into his chambers."
Song of Songs 1:2-4

The Only One I Need

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x15drw_
This is a beautiful song that speaks more than words. For Jesus to be the only one I need, to be my song, to be my melody, to be the only one I adore... this is my prayer.

You mean more to me than any words could say
You illuminate my path and lead the way
like a star you shine so bright that i can see your love for me
I never want to live a day without your touch
In your secret place is where i want to be
In your presence is everything that i need
You are my life, my love

You are the only one i need
You are the only God for me
I cannot move, cannot breathe
Unless You exhale in me

It is so sweet to know that you have drawn so close
And in return i lay my life down at your feet
Your desire is the song i want to know
You are my song, my melody

You are my shelter, my comfort and peace
Your words I rely on Jesus, reveal your truth in me
You're my strong tower, Your refuge I seek
Bright and morning Star, I want to be where you are

Lord,I adore you, I adore you Lord,
I adore you and I bless your name
Lord I adore you, I adore you
by Antonio Neil

Confessions and Conversions

The Confessions of St. Augustine Review The Confessions of St. Augustine was an amazing book that showed a life truly changed by the Power of Christ. Augustine writes about his struggle with faith of the unseen/invisible things of God, the carnal things of his time, his sinful nature and desires, the ideas of conceiving God in and outside of physical space, Jesus Christ as Mediator, and the literal aspect of the Word becoming flesh.

St. Augustine goes into detail about how he came to a sense of knowledge of God existing in the physical realm of space. He begins by discussing how he prefers to believe God to now be an unchangeable God. He then went on by bringing about an argument pertaining to whether God is infused into the world or may it be that he is defused throughout the entire universe on an infinite scale. St. Augustine could not see how something that was outside of reality of physical space could be real. He believed then, that if something was taken from a void and then the void being made material-less would then be made nothing, an absolute nothing. Although he says this at this time, he only pertains to this by questioning his own beliefs. This shows his lack of faith, which he also states by saying “My faith was no larger than what my eyes could see.” (Augustine) Augustine explains how in the past he had tried to conceive an image of God’s mass taking up the entirety of space and beyond by reaching the heavens and then so, making everything bound in God but without God being bound in anything or anyone. This book pertains to St. Augustine’s conversion, thus creating a point of realization and revelation. By saying this, St. Augustine then proclaims that he was wrong in his guess that God fills all things. He makes a proclamation that if this were to be true that smaller things would contain less of God thus making bigger things containing more of God. Augustine realizes that it is only God that allows or enables us to see truth. Only through the eyes of our soul and not the eyes of our mind does God allow us to come to this point. He tells the audience that God gave him enlightenment to see that He is in everything small and big, having a numerous presence in numerous things all over the world. He called this revelation by God the “Light Unchangeable.”
“But this Light did stand above my soul, because the Light made me; I stood below the Light, because I was made by it.
He that knows the truth knows what the Light is.
And he that knows truth knows eternity.
And he that knows love knows truth.
O truth who is Eternity!
O Love who is Truth!
O Eternity who is Love!
You are my God. To you do I sigh night and day.” (Augustine)
This Light represents God, who he is saying is above him because He made him, and he is standing below the Light (God), because he was made by the Light (God). This is a representation of the Godhead in St. Augustine’s life. He discussed how God enabled him to better see and how he cast out the darkness in his life with His living illuminate light. He is also saying that whoever knows that the Light is God knows Truth, which is to know Eternity and Love, which all are God. He then questioned God about truth being nothing if it exists in an empty space. Augustine says the Lord answered him “Yes, truly I am, who I am.” (Augustine2005) With his revelation given to him by God, of who God is, Truth, he sees that only one thing exists unchangeably, Truth, which is God.

Augustine shows a sense of humility through his confessions of struggling with carnality. He shares with the audience “I was simply not yet prepared to cling to you.” (Augustine) Although he wasn’t ready to cling, he always had a remembrance of God in him. He was saying that God was calling him to Him, but his own sinful habits encamped around him and held him downward. Once able to pull away from these habits he was then freed to make a judgment over the temporal things verses the unchangeable things. He came to a sense of reasoning that made him understand that unchangeable things are preferred by individuals over temporal things. Augustine expresses that the mind doesn’t stop searching through the temporal things because these changeable things don’t satisfy. He then was thrown into the abyss of wanting more, but not quite clinging onto Truth. Again, he fell into his old sinful ways while still trying to continue to remain in God. He failed at this, until Jesus called him. He cited 1 Timothy 2:5, which says that Jesus is the Mediator between God and humans. Even though Augustine came to know that Jesus Christ was the Mediator, he still did not fully devote himself to conversion at this time. He still fell into his hungry earthly desires.

Augustine examines how The Word became flesh. He realized the physical state of Jesus being human. How He lived in a humanistic world along fleshly desires and temptations, but then he went on to discuss The Word in a fleshly sense. He describes in detail how the flesh belongs to the spirit. The flesh belongs to the soul, as well as the mind. We are able to control the flesh because it is of the world he says. Augustine discusses how scripture states “that the Word became flesh.” (Augustine 2005) He believed that the soul and mind were together, but the flesh was alongside them. He ends with talking about the saving faith of the Word becoming flesh, and how Christ was not just the Word but he was flesh, a complete man, as well as a perfect wisdom.

My Personal Thoughts
I could relate to this book because of the turmoil shown within oneself during the process of salvation. This can be seen in St. Augustine’s coming to a complete personal conversion with the revelation of Christ. Some would assume that conversions take place over a short period of time, but this isn’t necessarily the case with every person. I found it interesting how St. Augustine’s conversion experience related to my own personal experience. Although not entirely the same, there are many similarities within his coming to the knowledge of Truth as well as with my own revelation of Truth, Christ. This book made me see just how much Christ can turn us from sinners into His Saints. Certainly if he turned St. Augustine from the sinner he was into His righteous saint, then I can imagine that he will change and perfect me more so into his likeness.

As I was reading about St. Augustine’s faith and how he stated “My faith was no larger than what my eyes could see.” I began to think about my own faith and the things that I can’t see. I have to honestly admit that I have always just had blind faith when it comes to the unseen or unknown things of God. I’m not sure if this is good or bad, maybe I should look for facts or evidence to support my faith in the invisible things of God, but I’ve just always trusted the sense of peace that I feel so deep within my soul. When Augustine questions God being in everything, but smaller amounts of Him being in smaller things and more amounts of Him being in bigger things, I understood what he was questioning but I don’t necessarily agree with his reasoning. Although, this was before his actual conversion, and his views did change once the Holy Spirit led him to understanding, I still would like to state my view on his before-conversion ideas and questions. When thinking about this I reflect on a human heart. You can have a woman who has such a disease, as to cripple and shrink her body almost to nothing, but her heart is full of so much love for Christ and then you can have a big muscular man, who is in excellent health and who is a tri-athlete, who also has a heart full of love for God. Is this to say that the bigger, healthier, more muscular, athletic man has more love in his heart for God than the sickly woman or that he has more of a heart for God than the woman? No I don’t believe this to be the case at all. In fact, I don’t believe that love can be measured with any physical size or physical state. With this said, I don’t believe that God can be measured by any size, state, or matter. God is beyond all this because He created all of this (size, matter, physical states). Who is to say that we can measure God? Who is to say that we can measure love? It’s actually quite profound that love and God can be compared, but I believe they can be. For the Word says that “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8 I believe that we can’t put love on a scale, just as we can’t put God in a measuring cup.

Even upon reflecting on the names of some of the chapter, seems quite interesting. One specific chapter is “The Way of Perfection.” What is the way of perfection? How do we come to try and perfect ourselves in every aspect of life? It’s through revelation of Christ and only through this revelation of Him, can we be made in his perfect image. This is where St. Augustine’s conversion took over, when he realized just who Jesus Christ truly was. It’s only here at this point of finding Christ, that he is able to start to begin to turn away from the carnal things of the world, although he still falls a few times, it’s Christ strength that allows him to break free. I felt as if I was reading part of my own testimony when reading this chapter. Augustine said that Jesus was the one who called him to come forward. It was as if the world couldn’t subdue Augustine’s hunger with its carnal food, but the Lord Jesus gave him a food that he couldn’t receive by the human flesh. When reading this, I felt overwhelmed, for this was how I felt when first coming to know the real fullness of Christ. He also quoted 1 Timothy 2:6 “Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” There is no other way that he could’ve latched on to God without the power and strength of Jesus. It’s only through Jesus’ strength that we’re able to conquer our sin and desires of this world, for it’s through Him that He feeds us eternal food that is unchanging. I found it to be true that we as humans can keep longing and longing for more of the world and never be satisfied. Why is this? As Augustine talks about, the things of the world are always changing. The only thing that isn’t changing is God. The only thing that will satisfy our longing to be more, to have more, to do more, to want more, is God. It is in our human instinct to want more, more, more, and then some. It is in the way of Christ’ perfecting us for Him through Him, that He becomes our more factor, the replacement of the changing and never ending void. We no longer want the changeable things of the world, but only want more and more of the unchangeable thing, which is Christ. He is the only unchangeable factor in our life that will fill our void of wanting. I found it very interesting and true how our mind is never satisfied with changing things. It makes me think of shopping and finding the perfect pair of shoes. We find the perfect pair of shoes, but they get worn out, or a heal breaks, or they get scuffs, but eventually one day we look at them and they don’t look so hot anymore. But we still want a perfect pair of shoes, because what we thought were the perfect pair eventually turned out not to be that perfect pair. Or was it? Was it the perfect pair at the right time? In our minds during that time it might have been the perfect pair, but times change and so do shoes. That was the past, and this is now, now we need a new perfect pair of shoes. We have a void that we need filled. We know that the shoes won’t last, they’re not unchangeable shoes just as our mind also knows that the time won’t last, it’s not an unchangeable time. Shoes change with time. When will our perfect pair of shoes be complete? Shoes can be compared with everything in this world, they all change (die, fade away, wear down, etc.) but there is only one thing that doesn’t change and that is God.

This book was quite the amazing book. I loved the honesty, humbleness, and sincerity of St. Augustine. It felt like I was reading a love story, in all actuality it was one between him and the Lord. I felt like I could completely relate to some of his personal experiences. The most interesting aspect of the chapter for me was the conclusion, which was actually the title. I found it very interesting, how our minds long for unchangeable things over changeable things in our life, most of the time without even consciously realizing it. It’s so amazing to think that we can have something unchangeable in our lives, which enables us to change from living changeably to living in the way of perfection.


Augustine, St., the Confessions of St. Augustine
Grand Rapids, MI:
Baker Book House, 2005