As I stood at the sliding glass door holding my groceries, I looked out upon the flooded parking lot. "It absolutely is raining 'Noah's flood' ... but where is the Ark" I thought. As I waited for the rain to calm, I couldn't help but take in my surroundings... breathing in the freshness of the rain, the sound of the thunder in the distance, and the beauty of the white lighting streaks upon the dark sky. I absolutely was in love and my heart hurt. All of a sudden I had this ache in my heart to be near Him. How I love thunderstorms and have ever since I was a little girl, but suddenly at this point in my life (beginning today it seems), they seem to bring about an ache of lovesickness. At that moment I just had this image flash into my soul...
There I was standing in the darkness of the night, standing in the middle of the rain. My head looking upward in the dark sky, and gazing into the eye of the storm. The rain was absolutely soaking me and I was loving every single drop that hit me. I raised my hands in worship. Somehow as I was drawn to the eye of the storm, it brought calmness to my soul. I stood in the center of the storm, rain pouring down upon my soul, lighting and thunder crashing around me, and I worshiped.
The rain began to let up slightly and I thought to myself "What the heck... might as well get wet. My heart is lovesick for Him anyway." So I began to slowly walk out to my car. A precious older man offered to give me a lift to my car (who knows he might have been an angel-seemed to have a special glow about him) but I just looked up and said no-thank you and blessed him. How the rain felt soothing. I climbed into my car and as I pulled out of the 'Wall-mart' parking lot, I began to feel the ache creep up into my heart again. How much I longed for Him. How is it that I can long for a Man that I have never seen in the natural? Or maybe the natural isn't really the natural and the night-time-dream-land is really the natural? Or maybe there isn't really a natural but only the reality of my soul? I'd like to think of the latter... but someday He will surely explain it to me as I sit with Him at His table. Maybe it really won't matter when I finally get to His table. So as I drove home, I began to put a new association with the center of a storm and the center of my heart. As I pulled up to my house, I just sat in my car. Not wanting to move, not wanting to go in, wanting to be all alone with Him. As I now sit listening to the rain fall upon my window, listening to the thunder come crashing down, all I can think about is how much my heart aches. It's true. I am lovesick for a Beautiful Man. When can I be with Him? When?
